How to connect with people better
And why, as engineers, developing this skill is going to impact your career, your project, your customer, even your personal life.
Listening skills are consequential in most careers, and in certain professions those skills will make you stand out above your peers. Imagine the difference it makes to be a doctor who listens carefully and diagnoses correctly — versus one that is casual, doesn’t hear the whole story, and makes the wrong decision.
It’s the same case with engineers, especially since so many of our customers don’t really know what’s possible with the latest changes in technology. Thoroughly comprehending our customers’ story, understanding what the real need is, and crafting a system that meets those needs is a differentiating skill.
Most of us have heard about active listening, the technique of repeating back what we’ve heard. It’s a simple technique — just listen to whomever is talking actively (meaning, with the intent of understanding) and, when the speaker finishes repeat back what you’ve heard in your own words. It provides an opportunity to confirm what you’ve understood, and it also sends the message that you are in fact listening. But it’s not enough. Active listening alone isn’t really going to get the job done.
That’s exactly what Charles Duhigg, Pulitzer Price-winning investigative journalist and the author of The Power of Habit and Smarter Faster Better, explains as a guest on Coaching for Leaders. Coaching for Leaders is an excellent podcast that I highly recommend.1
Charles Duhigg is the author of Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection. You can get a free preview of the wealth of knowledge he conveys by tuning in to Coaching for Leaders. Here are a few of his key points:2
Supercommunicators aren’t the loudest in the room, instead they ask more questions and adapt to changes in the conversation more quickly.
There are basic discussion types (emotional versus practical, for instance). To communicate successfully you have to be able to pick up on what type of conversation is taking place.
“Looping” to improve understanding is a technique that goes deeper than active listening: Ask a deeper question, repeat back in your own words, and then ask if you got it right.
Supercommunicators can trigger “neural entrainment” when they click with someone and start communicating at a whole new level (and it’s something you can learn).
I highly recommend taking a few minutes and listening to the podcast. It’s well worth the time. I find Coaching for Leaders a fantastic resource and listen to most episodes, but this one in particular stood out as having exceptional value for engineers.
Dave Stachowiak, founder and author, Coaching for Leaders podcast and Coaching for Leaders Academy.
Charles Duhigg, Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection, Feb 2024, Random House. EAN/UPC 9780593243916.